


Puella Magi Waluigi Magica

by MenagerieOfDarkness



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games), Super Mario Galaxy
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Magical Girls, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Fairy Tale Elements, Friendship is Magic, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Magic-Users, Magical Girls, Male-Female Friendship, Parody, Rosalina is a BAMF, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Tennis, Waluigi is a BAMF, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29885742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MenagerieOfDarkness/pseuds/MenagerieOfDarkness
Summary: On a cold spring night, a saddened Waluigi wakes up to a loud crash in his bedroom. Is this a normal invader, or is it the harbinger of his destiny?Oh yeahhhhh Magical Girl Waluigi time!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	Puella Magi Waluigi Magica

In his house cozily tucked away in the Mushroom Kingdom, Jimmy Poppadopolos, AKA Waluigi, the purple, mean tennis machine, was lying on his bed in a fitful slumber. It was a cold, spring night, right before the fresh flower buds sprouted and filled Waluigi’s magnificent nose with their perfume. But alas, there was nothing for Waluigi to smell or do for that matter since his one and only friend Wario was gone on a business trip to sell his phony mustache wax. He had promised that he would return with so much money that he and Waluigi wouldn’t have to work for the rest of their lives, but, for the past week, the stupendous eggplant was completely alone. It almost brought a tear to his large, blue-rimmed eyes, but no, he couldn’t stop to that level. He was way too cool and athletic to cry!

But, right as a single drop of sadness was about to spill from his unconscious countenance, a loud crash awoke him. His bedroom window was shattered, curtains fluttering in the new breeze from the outside world. Waluigi couldn’t believe it! Did a Bill Blaster shoot through his window? Was someone trying to break in? Waluigi reached for the tennis racket he always kept under his pillow in case of emergency, brandishing it in his gloved hands.

“Wah!” Waluigi let out a war cry as he swung wildly, leaping out of bed and striking at every speck of dust, any shadow he spotted in his room. A particularly large shadow let out a strained “Ow!” as it was slapped across the face by Waluigi’s frantic wrath. At the sound of the high-pitched scream, Waluigi reached for his bedside lamp and turned it on.

As mushroom-colored light filled the room, the grape Kool-Aid man spotted who exactly he hit. A small mushroom man was sprawled out on his floor, mushroom cap knocked off of his head. It was Toad! But, as the man slowly sat up, pressing his cap back on, Waluigi noticed a small pair of fairy wings coming from his back.

“What was that for, man?” Waluigi stayed silent, completely stunned. Why would Princess Peach’s attendant be breaking into his house at night? Why did he suddenly have wings?

“Well, in any case, I’m glad I caught you at home, Waluigi. There’s a huge mushroom emergency, and I need your help!”

“Wah?”

“Huh?” Toad raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t speak French. Here, let me help you with that.” Toad reached into his mushroom cap and pulled out a magic wand completely with a large, yellow star on top. H waved it around, yelling, “Penne Alla Vodka!”. As he spoke the magic words, a beam of golden light shot out from the star, hitting Waluigi right in the throat. The violent villain gasped as he felt his vocal cords shift around in his throat, rearranging themselves.

“Wah... Wha-.. What did you do to me?”

“Fixed your voice, of course! It would be pretty hard to go on a heroic journey if I couldn’t understand you.”

“I guess…” Waluigi silently mourned the loss of his mighty ‘Wah!’. “But why come to me? Does Princess Peach know you’re coming to me?”

“She asked me to, young Waluigi! Mario and Luigi always help out, so she wanted to give them a break. Wario’s out of town, and Yoshi is busy laying eggs, so that leaves just you.”

“For a princess, her social circle is pretty limited.” Waluigi shook his head, reaching to his nightstand to put on his signature purple hat.

“That’s beside the point. You’re the only one who can help me save the Mushroom Kingdom, no, the world!” Toad spread out his stubby, little arms like they were a second set of wings.

“Ugh, fine. What do I have to do?” 

“You have to become a magical girl, Waluigi.”

“Huh?” Waluigi wasn’t sure how to respond to that. What in the name of Stromboli was Toad talking about?

“You see, for generations, magical girls have protected this kingdom from celestial threats. While Mario and Luigi have defeated enemies from their realm, magical girls fight on all other fronts.”

“Are you a magical girl, Toad?”

“What? No, I’m a fairy godmushroom! I help turn lowly creatures like you into magical girls. So, do you want to save the Mushroom Kingdom by becoming a magical girl or not?”

Waluigi tapped his chin thoughtfully. All of this sounded like a massive pain, but without the Mushroom Kingdom, where would he and Wario hang out? 

“I accept.” Toad cheered, crying out, “Fettuccine Alfredo!” and waving his wand once more. A second beam of light shot from the wand, this time engulfing Waluigi’s entire body. He shuddered as he felt himself begin to rise into the air, legs kicking to try to reach the ground.

Before he could cry out a frightened ‘Wah!’ Waluigi felt his sleeping overalls begin to morph, shortening into a fashionable denim skirt that was far too short for a Waluigi of his age. Some purple fabric from his shirt was sucked into the skirt, forming a luminescent violet pattern of bedazzled tennis rackets and vines covered in sparkly mushrooms. His shirt shortened into a blouse that exposed his midriff, the flimsy fabric held together by a giant silver bow. Glitter seemed to sprout from the shirt, coating the hems and the ends of the bow in a blinding amount of sheen. Thankfully, his beloved hat remained the same, though some of the glitter accents spread to its fabric. Through the blinding light from the golden ray and all of the glitter, Waluigi saw his fallen tennis racket begin to shudder as well, lunging into his grasp. The handle turned silver and elongated into a giant staff with a purple racket growing out of its top. Two ivory wings made of metal spouted from the center of the rod, completing the magical transformation. Waluigi was slowly lowered to the floor, staring down at his new look.

“Well, looks like you’re ready to begin, Waluigi. Or, should I say Magic-Doki-Doki Waluigi-chan?” Toad nodded enthusiastically at Waluigi’s magical girl name, but the mulberry menace wasn’t so pleased.

“I guess so.”

“Then, take my hand! I’ll fly you up to meet with our chief magical girl.”

“Why can’t I fly? I’m magical now, right?”

“Not that magical. Besides, these wings aren’t just for show. C’mon Magic-Doki-Doki Waluigi-chan!”

“Can’t you shorten that name? It’s kind of a mouthful.” Maybe Toad would change it to something cooler like ‘The Maestro of Mischief,’ ‘Waluigi the Wumbo,’ or ‘Chad,’ but the fairy godmushroom just shook his head.

“The moment I said it, it became your name. I can call you Waluigi-chan, though, since we’re already well acquainted with one another. Now, take my hand.” Waluigi-chan relented, taking Toad’s gloved hand in his own, his other still gripping his tennis staff. Toad swiftly flapped his majestic mushroom wings, soaring out the broken window with Waluigi by his side.

***

Waluigi watched in fascination and slightly horror as the Mushroom Kingdom shrunk into a tiny speck below his feet. Wind whipped and swirled around him, his tiny skirt threatening to flip up from its force, but Toad didn’t seem concerned. His small, beady face was pinched in concentration, taking the two up further and further into the sky. Soon, the two reached the cusp of Earth’s atmosphere, Waluigi realizing that, as a true magical girl, he no longer required oxygen to survive. The magic glitter cells that filled his bloodstream could provide all of the support he needed.

“Hmm...” Toad said thoughtfully. “I could’ve sworn it was around here....”

“What is?” Waluigi didn’t have to wait for a response as a giant explosion erupted above them, fiery lights streaming across the cosmos. A large chunk of ectoplasmic flesh the size of an SUV hauled down to the surface, narrowly grazing Waluigi’s bulbous nose. He couldn’t believe it; it was a giant boo!

“What are boos doing all the way up here?”

“You see, Waluigi-chan, these aren’t normally boos. These are galacta-boos, the intergalactic relatives of the boos in the Mushroom Kingdom. Much bigger and much more dangerous. Wait! Pasta Primavera!” Toad shouted as another piece of galacta-boo flesh started to fall right above them. A beam of light sprung from his wand, causing the flesh to dissolve into a downpour of ectoplasm.

“Do those words actually do anything? Or are you just making all of this up?”

“It’s not the words themselves, Waluigi-Chan. It’s the feeling you put into them.” Another explosion sounded above them.

“C’mon! Looks like she started without us!” Toad said, even though he was the one controlling their flight. Waluigi didn’t even have a chance to ask who ‘she’ was or if these new clothes were machine washable before Toad whisked them further and further above, narrowly dodging more fallen galaca-boos.

They landed on what looked like a giant, pink satellite, about a football field in length. Dozens of galacta-boos swarmed above. They looked just like normal boos, just 50 times larger and with dark blue skin speckled with white dots that camouflaged them into the vast expanse of space beyond them. Thankfully, they stuck out like a sore thumb against the hot pink surface Waluigi and Toad were now standing on. Well, them, and a figure closer to the middle of the platform, wielding something against the galacta-boos. Toad rushed closer to them, dragging Waluigi behind him.

Up close, Waluigi saw that the person was most likely the ‘she’ Toad was talking about. She was extremely tall — over 7 feet, the mauve magical girl thought begrudgingly — and wore a long, glowing dress in light blues and greens that were adorned with shiny, gold stars. A silver tiara sat on top of her long, blonde hair, giving her a very regal appearance. But, what caught Waluigi’s attention was the large, sea green machine gun she was aiming at the galacta-boos. Every trigger pull seemed to release a small, fleshly star-like creature. Waluigi watched as they soared through the space creatures, killing them instantly, before fluttering back to stand around the woman as they landed.

“Rosalina! We made it! I brought the new guy!” Toad called out as he started sprinting to the woman. Waluigi wondered if she was also a magical girl; she had the weaponry, but her outfit looked much different. She certainly didn’t have as much skin exposed as Waluigi did.

“Oh, Toad!” She spoke cheerfully as she took down another three galacta-boos, one of them exploding close enough to spurt ectoplasm across her face. She happily wiped it away with her dress sleeve, seizing her fire to greet the two men.

“Waluigi, this is Kawaii-Nya-Nya Rosalina-chan. She’s one of our senior magical girls.”

“You must be Magic-Doki-Doki Waluigi-chan!” She grabbed Waluigi’s free hand and started to shake it. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“Likewise, Rosalina-chan.”

“Oh please, we’re coworkers now. Call me Rosalina.” She smiled once more before taking in Waluigi’s tennis staff.

“What an amazing weapon! Have you gotten any use out of it yet?” Waluigi shook his head. It still looked like a tennis racket, albeit much larger, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to wield it.

“Well, I’m you’ll be able to soon enough. So don’t worry, okay?” Her smile widened as he nodded. “Oh, one second, please. Lumas! Reload!” She called to the star-like creatures — the Lumas, Waluigi realized — who promptly lined up to be reloaded into the gun. Rosalina fired down four more galaca-boos who were floating closer and closer to the platform.

“Sorry about that. I swear, they just keep showing up. I haven’t seen this many galacta-boos in centuries!”

“Centuries?” Waluigi raised an eyebrow. Rosalina looked about his age, but then again, maybe magical girls were just built different.

“Rosalina has been a magical girl since before the Mushroom Kingdom was founded, Waluigi-chan.” Toad cut in. Rosalina nodded.

“Time doesn’t really mean much all the way up here, but yes, I think I’ve been a magical girl for about 500 years. Give or take a few decades.” Rosalina was still smiling, but something in her eyes shifted. The purple paisano was about to ask her about it, but another wave of galacta-boos appeared in the sky.

“Waluigi! Duck!” Rosalina cried out as she aimed and fired again and again, constantly reloading with more Lumas. Waluigi watched in amazement as she took out seemingly countless galacta-boos, but the swarm was never-ending. Toad wished the two of them good luck and flew off, promising to come back to collect them when the chaos was over.

“Do you need any help, Rosalina?” The monsters were beginning to land on the platform, countless teeth and swirling ghost mouths crawling closer and closer to them. 

“If you could take out a few with your staff, that would be a big help.”

“Well, you see...” Waluigi looked at his tennis staff, unsure of how exactly it was supposed to work. Was it like Toad’s wand where he had to say a magic word? Or was it like Rosalina’s gun where it worked like a normal weapon?

“I’ll try my best!” 

“You can do this!” The magical girl Waluigi-chan smiled at Rosalina, held the staff in two hands, and crept closer to the galacta-boos. He spotted a small one inching close to them, a Toad-sized baby boo. And, if Waluigi could take out his fairy godmushroom with a normal-sized tennis racket, it should be easy enough to take out something his size with a giant racket, right?

“Spaghetti and meatballs!” Waluigi cried out as he charged the galacta-boo, striking it as hard as his noodle arms would allow. But it bounced off of the boo like it was made of rubber. It did slightly push the ghost back a few feet, though, so Waluigi elected to keep gently nudging a few smaller galacta-boos back. It wasn’t hard work, but it was honest work, and Waluigi-chan soon warded off four galacta-boos in the time it took Rosalina to kill 20. The lilac legend sighed to himself; at this rate, Rosalina would be the one doing all of the work, but his magic staff was not cooperating. He tried shouting out countless varieties of pasta like Toad did, but it was to no avail.

“Rosalina, I don’t think I can do this.” Rosalina looked down at the man, momentarily lowering her gun. She didn’t look angry or disappointed, and her smile never faded off. She opened her mouth, probably to tell him that maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a magical girl or that he could just sit this one out when a galacta-boo shot forward, wrapping its large tongue around Waluigi’s leg and yanking him away.

“Waluigi-chan!” Rosalina rapidly fired her Lumas at the galacta-boo, but it was too late; Waluigi was already being lifted further and further off the platform. 

Waluigi struggled as the galacta-boo tightened its grip, tongue snaking around his ankle. It was all he could to not scream or drop his tennis staff. The monster seemed to have no plans of stopping, floating higher into the cosmos. The raisin renegade tried to squirm his way out of its grasp, but sudden motions only caused the galacta-boo to hold him even tighter. Still, Waluigi was happy that no one could see him at that moment, his denim skirt barely staying upright.

“Lasagna!” Waluigi cried out, whacking the tongue with his staff, but the organ refused to relent. He kept trying, going through every food he could think of, but the galacta-boo still continued to soar higher. Soon, he could barely see the platform below him, only a small, pink smudge a thousand feet below.

“You! Stupid! Monster!” He screamed between smacks, moving onto other words in hopes that one of them would unlock his weapon’s power. If only Toad had told him how the tennis staff actually worked. Wait, Toad! Waluigi was starting to lose hope when he suddenly remembered what his fairy godmushroom had told him. It wasn’t the words he used. It was the feeling he put into them!

Steeling his nerves, Waluigi took in a shuddering breath, clasping the staff in his hands. He knew what he had to do, and, as he slammed the weapon into the galacta-boo’s tongue, he let out an almighty

“WAHHHHHHH!”

With the force and power in the sacred word fueling his weapon, the tennis staff sliced clean through the galaca-boo’s tongue. The monster let out a screech and took off, leaving the front of its tongue and Waluigi plunging down. Any joy Waluigi felt for finally being able to use this tennis staff was sucked away as he realized that he was freefalling toward the platform. And, without wings like Toad’s, he had no choice but to become a purple smear on the pink surface.

But, right as Waluigi closed his eyes, slowly accepting his fate, a strong pair of arms caught him. It was Rosalina, her Lumas swirling around her, concerned for Waluigi’s wellbeing. She smiled down at him.

“See. I told you you could do this!”

“Rosalina? But… but how are you flying?” She didn’t have wings coming from the back of her dress, but somehow she was hovering in the air, legs bent in a dramatic pose.

“You don’t need wings to fly, silly! You just need the power of flight.”

“Do I have the power of flight?” Waluigi thought about all he would do if he could fly. Maybe he could soar around like Aladdin into the night or return his Block Busters DVDs! Wow, and he and Wario could commit some sky schemes, and then he could…

“No, you don’t. It’s a power that only I hold, Waluigi-chan.”

“Damn.” The lavender leading man sighed as Rosalina gently landed on the platform and released him from her grip. Waluigi planted his tennis staff on the ground as the nearby galacta-boos noticed their return and started to float over. They seemed furious, and Waluigi wondered if they knew that he had killed one of their brethren.

“Let’s go, Rosalina!” His fellow magical girl nodded, reloading her machine gun with a dozen more Lumas. 

Waluigi charged the hoard of galacta-boos, letting out a series of fearsome, “Wah! Wah! Wah! WAHHHHH!” with every strike. The galacta-boos disintegrated around him, their bodies dissolving into ectoplasm.

“Wahhhh! Wahhhhh! Wahhhhhh!” Waluigi’s majestic ‘Wahs’ rang out in time with Rosalina’s machine gun blasts, and the two took out countless galacta-boos in no time. Waluigi couldn’t believe it; after years of sitting around, waiting for Wario to return and then commit some acts of mischief with him, Waluigi had something to do that was all his own. His denim skirt and glorious blouse rustled in the wind as he whacked through dozens of monsters until the platform was finally cleared out.

“Waluigi-chan! You did great!” Rosalina bounded over to him, followed by a small pack of Lumas who were cheering and dancing around.

“He sure did!” Toad suddenly flew by, landing next to the two. “I knew that Magic-Doki-Doki Waluigi-chan would be up the challenge.” His screechy voice still shanked Waluigi’s ears, but the amethyst avenger still smiled at his fairy godmushroom.

“So, Waluigi-chan,” Toad started. “How did you like your test run?”

“Test run?” Waluigi raised an eyebrow. “I thought this was the real deal.”

“Hahaha. No. This platform is our training grounds for fledgling magical girls. We even had the galacta-boos shipped in from the Zenith dimension!”

“Wait, so what are you saying?”

“He’s saying you have a choice to make, Waluigi-chan.” Rosalina smiled again, but that darkness was back in her eyes. “Do you want to stay with me and fight for the sake of the Mushroom Kingdom and Earth, or do you want to return home just as you were before you transformed?”

Waluigi thought for a moment. If this was just his test, what would the real deal be like? What kinds of monsters would he actually have to fight? But then again, he didn’t have anything better to do, and it felt extremely badass when he used his tennis staff.

“I’ll do it!” Waluigi triumphantly planted his tennis staff on the ground.

“Well then, happy to be working with you, Waluigi-chan.” Rosalina reached out to shake his hand.

“Please, Rosalina,” Waluigi happily shook it. “We’re coworkers now. Call me Waluigi!”


End file.
